Valentine’s Day Without Violence – No UFC This Saturday
So there you are. It’s Saturday night. The snacks are ready. The group chat is buzzing. Your heart is full of anticipation.
And then it hits you.
There is no UFC card tonight.
On Valentine’s Day.
This is the first time in recent memory that the UFC has collectively looked at its fanbase and said, “You know what? Go outside. Touch hands. Experience feelings.”
Rude.
The Five Stages of No-Fight Night Grief
1. Denial
“Wait, that can’t be right. There’s always fights.”
You frantically Google. You check Paramount+. You refresh the app. Surely UFC wouldn’t just… leave us like this?
They would. They did.
2. Anger
“Why would they do this to us?”
Every other Saturday, someone is getting spinning back-kicked into another dimension. But tonight? Silence. Romance. Soft lighting.
Disgusting.
3. Bargaining
“Maybe there’s a late-notice card? Maybe Dana announces something on Instagram?”
You briefly convince yourself that Dana White is going to pop up live and say, “Surprise! Heavyweights fighting in a parking lot in 30 minutes.”
He does not.
4. Depression
You stare at your TV.
You consider watching old fights. Maybe that classic from UFC 229.
You whisper, “Just one more time.”
5. Acceptance
Fine. You’ll celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day Without Violence
For years, fight fans have used the UFC as a built-in excuse.
“Sorry babe, can’t do dinner. It’s a big card.”
“Sorry sweetheart, it’s a title fight.”
“Sorry my love, someone has to watch two welterweights miss weight.”
But not tonight.
Tonight, the UFC has forced accountability.
You’re going to have to make eye contact.
You’re going to have to talk about feelings.
You’re going to have to pretend you know what “love language” means and not just name five submission types.
What Do We Even Do?
Without a main event, couples are left to improvise.
Instead of debating whether a split decision was a robbery, you’ll be debating where to order dessert.
Instead of yelling, “SHOOT!” at the television, you’ll be whispering, “That’s beautiful, honey.”
Instead of watching someone survive a five-round war, you’ll be surviving a two-hour romantic comedy.
Honestly? A five-round co-main event might’ve been easier.
The Real Winner
Let’s be honest. The true victors tonight are significant others everywhere.
They don’t have to compete with octagon violence, walkout music, or your loud opinions about leg kicks.
Somewhere, a partner is smiling softly, unaware that an entire demographic of fight fans is pacing their living rooms like caged lightweights.
But Don’t Worry
The octagon will return. The gloves will be laced. Someone will miss weight by 4.5 pounds and blame it on “travel issues.”
And when that happens, we’ll forget this dark, quiet Saturday ever existed.
Until then, hold your loved ones close.
Or at least practice your footwork in the kitchen.
Happy Valentine’s Day, fight fans. 💘🥊
