Dana White vs. John Oliver. The feud continues

UFC President Dana White is in the middle of two public feuds. The one everyone is talking about is his ongoing battle with UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones. The other is a beef with comedian John Oliver.

Two weeks ago, Oliver’s HBO Show, “Last Week Tonight,” produced a segment about the UFC being the first sports league back in action. The piece was critical of Dana White holding events during the global COVID-19 pandemic. The biggest crack at White came when Oliver joked about “Fight Island,” calling it “UFSea.”

White responded to Oliver’s remarks by filing for trademarks on UFSEA and said he was stealing Oliver’s idea and would not give him any money for it.

Oliver didn’t hold back from poking fun at the UFC president on his latest episode.

“First, Dana White intentionally forgetting my name is a truly excellent neg, or rather, it would be if he weren’t only number 83 on GQ’s list of the 100 most powerful bald men in the world from 2013,” Oliver started. “Now that is a neg right there, Dana. You got beat by Jason Alexander. You got Costanzaed!

“More importantly, I’m not remotely mad here. I want you to use that name. In fact, I think you should let us rename all of your events, because frankly, you’re not very good at it. Take UFC 249, it’s just your logo plus a number. Where’s the pizzaz there? How about this, UFC: Knuckle Opera? Or Dust Up at the Beef Factory? Or Large Hamboy Collider? It’s better, right? Who doesn’t want to see some hamboys collide right now? Honestly, even the name Dana White could use little punch up. It doesn’t sound like the head of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, it sounds like the third best real estate agent in Sacramento or a video where a white woman calls the cops on a black family for smiling too hard.”

Oliver was not done there. Following his bald comments and making fun of the UFC’s naming of their events, Oliver then took something from White.

“Honestly, I think Dana White’s just looking for a fight here. In fact, I’m almost certain that he is because he’s literally trademarked the phrase, ‘Dana White Lookin’ for a Fight.’ And as we learned by looking up his filing for the UFC, it’s just one of the many phrases that he’s trademarked in the past. There’s ‘Fight Library,’ which is excellent, ‘Chicken Monster,’ which is somehow even better, and ‘Baddest Motherf*cker,’ which I always assumed was owned by Samuel L. Jackson. However, interestingly, UFC’s filing for that cites only handful of potential uses, among them, toy figures and action figures, which just makes sense. It’s the perfect phrase to have on a child’s toy.

“But when we started looking deeper, we actually realized that there are a number of trademarks they’ve applied for and got and then let expire, my favorite of which is ‘You Will Submit,’ which they’ve trademarked for use on baby booties, fanny packs, and walking canes; because nothing says I’m going to beat you into submission like a baby with a cane wearing a fanny pack.

“Look, since Dana took something that we came up with, we’re going to return the favor. Guess who is now officially in the process of owning the trademark ‘You Will Submit’? I’ll give you a clue, it’s got two thumbs, it’s sheltering in a white void, and it’s about to sell this baby onesie, which you can find at tugslabmeatsbabypalace.com. Who is the ‘Baddest Motherf*cker’ now, Dana?”